In the aftermath of the emotional devastation caused by being in relationship with a narcissistic emotional abuser, if a person could take a look at their life from another observation point other than being first person, they could easily describe the entire relationship using the analogy of a well-scripted play. Though audiences anticipate the knight in a play to save the day for the damsel in distress, the knight in this play is actually a notorious, villainous knight. He is very skilled and a professional at his craft for he has acted this role in countless plays prior to his present performance and even now while in this performance is playing the knight role in numerous other plays with appearances on different dates or on same dates, but at different times.
The knight is rehearsed and knows how to play his part and the knight has studied the protagonist’s part, as well. In the event the protagonist doesn’t play her part according to the script, it matters not to the knight for he is flexible and agile like a snake that can slither through nooks and crannies. The knight’s act doesn’t skip a beat. To him, it actually makes the play more entertaining and exciting and gets his blood curdling even more than what had been planned and expected. Nothing the protagonist presents unnerves the knight. If ever so slightly caught in a pinch, the knight simply changes directions and continues to lead the play where he wants it to go.
Let’s describe the protagonist in this play. The protagonist is a sincere, sweet, trusting damsel. She doesn’t have a lot of street smarts. She’s had no use for it for in most of her life experiences she’s related to honest, forthright, authentic people. The damsel in this play is living life trying to earn a living and tending to life’s responsibilities and patiently awaiting the moment for her “knight in shining armor” to appear. The damsel, having been invested in activities that one would deem as good deeds, never for a moment conceived an idea that she perhaps could be being watched from a distance by a knight that had a well-prepared plot to play.
The knight did his homework. He watched as the damsel lived her life. He watched as she earned her living. He watched as she tended to life’s responsibilities and watched and understood her deep desire of experiencing the day her knight would cross her path. The stage has been set and now the play is about to begin.
For the damsel in this story, what did the knight present? He presented something. That is how a narcissistic emotional abuser works. The narcissistic emotional abuser enters the picture making promises. Did you get that part? Promises consist of words. Material goods are not present. Promises are just words. If really pressed and that means really pressed, the narcissistic emotional abuser might produce, but that is only, only if he has calculated that the return on his investment will far, far outweigh any cost. One must understand that when dealing with a narcissist everything, every thing, 線はあるのに二重にならないならコチラ is calculated and deliberate. Deliberate to the minute of details.
If you were the damsel in this story, what would the knight need to present? Would it be good looks, strong physique, good paying job, nice car, nice home, good family background, an insurance plan, a retirement plan, a promise to take you traveling, or a job title? The list could be endless, but assuredly the narcissist has figured it out. The crazy thing is that it really isn’t that difficult to figure out most damsel’s desires. Somewhere between financial security, a loving home, and traveling with a loved one, the narcissistic emotional abuser can hit a dead center target.